How to invite a girl over for a movie

hello lovers and romantics, and welcome back to “make the girl too social”! today’s topic: how to make her come to a movie.

did you get a 42″ lcd tv for christmas? install a new 5.1 sound system? buy a comfortable sofa that turns into a bed with the push of a button, wink, wink? Do you have the most popular and new blu-ray? Do you want a girl, mmmm… to go with you to a movie? nudge nudge?

then we’re on the go! all we have to do is figure out which of these is the correct way to invite her:

• hey honey, I have a home theater that will blow your mind! Speaking of blowing…
• so, um, I was wondering if you, uh, wanted to…well…
• you. me. movie. tonight.

Okay, I’m kidding. In case you haven’t noticed, everything I wrote above just sets you up for failure. let’s see what makes you so attractive that girls will love spending a cozy night in your house watching a movie…just the two of you.

Is this a movie?

There is a German colloquialism for sexual intercourse, “dvd gucken”. translates back to “watch dvd”. you say it and everyone knows what it really means.

And yet, reports circulate of men and women getting together to watch a movie and nothing else happens. this, tradition says, can happen even when one party wants to have sex… the guy would love to sleep with the girl, but somehow it just doesn’t happen.

Instead, he stares at the screen, too scared to even touch it.

you see, and that is already the problem. Do you think asking a girl out to a movie is really about getting in her pants? because if you do, there’s a good chance she’ll sniff out your hidden agenda.

and hidden agendas suck.

honesty, instead, rules.

“One Thing Leads to Another”

if you can sum up the seduction process as “and then one road led to another” (which is pretty accurate), consider this: for you, asking a girl out to a movie is more about one thing, or more over another?

the other in this equation is always something that happens in the future: but now you are in the present, and what happens right now is the only thing.

so let’s take a couple of steps back. Let’s assume a fairly common story that I’m sure you can relate to.

you meet a cool girl. you two get along very well. you end up spending more time with her… first you meet at parties, then you go out with just her. right now, it’s not too unexpected for either of you when she suggests spending time in private. like watching a movie at home.

That is, if you’ve done some legwork.

Attract her.

From the first moment you meet a girl you like, it’s in your best interest to be honest about your attraction. you can tell her outright that you think she looks great. you can stay and have a fun, flirty and interesting conversation with her. she can touch (not pat) his upper arm and back when he does it. you can be curious about her, ask who is hers and what motivates her, because you really care.

and you can do all this on one condition: she’s okay with it.

listen…if a woman isn’t interested in spending time with you, it doesn’t matter what reasons she has. and no matter how friendly, open, and sincerely interested in her you are.

She is under no obligation to “reward” your attention or attraction with anything. she is not beholden to you, she can come and go as she pleases and you can do nothing but accept graciously.

so how do you attract her?

Invitations.

extending invitations. your compliment is an invitation. your offer of your company is an invitation. the words, “hey, let’s sit on the couch over there” are an invitation. the light touch of your hand on his back as you move around the room is an invitation.

The invitation is for her to join you in your life.

“Hey, I’m having fun,” you tell him at one point in the conversation. “You look really cool.”

You’re giving him a clear signal here. you are open to spending more time with her. will she accept? she remembers her, she has no obligation to do so. But how amazing if she does!

he bumps his fists when he says something interesting. you notice the ring on his finger and talk about it and how it matches the tattoo design on his wrist.

she’s still nearby, talking to you. “Yeah, I love whitewater rafting too,” you say. “we should go sometime!”

future plans. why not? is a wonderful flight of fancy. And who knows where you two will be when next summer rolls around?

One thing leads to another. but if you look back over the past… isn’t every step here – the shy compliment, the discreet touch, the easy talk, the invitations, the moving around – always one thing?

all of these things are intriguing and fun in themselves. they need validation as stepping stones to, I don’t know…sex.

the ultimate goal?

The ultimate goal is always what is happening here and now. From the first look to the night together, and beyond, the ultimate goal is for you and the girl to spend quality and rewarding time together.

you’re close to her because she’s cool. no, really: this girl is right up your alley. she is your number 1 choice. in your book, she is better than the other girls in the place.

Are you warning him?

building a relationship, whatever it is, even if it never goes beyond sex, let’s say friends with benefits, is a matter of one step at a time.

cost-benefit analysis.

every step forward, on both sides, make no mistake, involves a cost-benefit analysis.

What am I investing in by hiring her in the first place, wonders the guy at the house party.

What is the price I pay for responding favorably to that boy? the girl wonders.

no, it’s not about the movie. that is something that establishes a bond between you. it is a common pleasure that you two have decided to share.

Soon, they’re weighing the costs and benefits of going into the kitchen together. “He’s clearly funny and attractive,” reflects the girl. “He has shown himself to be respectful and has not invaded my personal space. if I go to the kitchen with him, we will be alone in a different environment. but I feel safe taking that risk.”

“She’s not a psychopath,” the guy realized. “She’s smart and her wit makes her even sexier to me. I think it’s a good idea to ask him to go to the kitchen for one of those tuna sandwiches and a new glass of wine.”

You and Her.

You’re having a great conversation. you’re keeping eye contact with her, you’re teasing her, and she’s responding in kind, playfully challenging you. you guys are creating some tension.

The party is over and you two exchange numbers. more than that: you have the balls to suggest a meeting between the two of you. you name the time, date and place right there.

a day before, you call her quickly. touch base. “Hey, I checked out that book you told me about at the party. It’s actually great!”

“so anyway, i just wanted to say i’m still bummed out for tomorrow. Does brunch at noon still work for you?”

great, she’s in!

a natural flow.

this is all a natural flow. you get together for that brunch and realize that you can still have an engaging and fun time, even when it’s just the two of you. By now, they’re familiar enough with touching that her hand rests on top of hers for a while as they talk.

Your flirting and sexual innuendos have gotten a bit more charged, and you’ve talked about love and relationships.

link her arm through yours as you walk around town.

hey, maybe you’ll give him the first kiss too.

Asking her Over for a Movie.

You see, I just described a smooth progression of a relationship from the first moments of shyness to real familiarity for you. The example above evolved over many conversations and several days, but hey, you know what… comfort and tension can also be achieved in much less time.

stay available without being desperate. you’re a cool, happy guy living a good life. you are inviting her to join you because you like her. she’s interesting enough to have earned your favor. And hey, it turns out you’re interesting enough to have won hers.

perhaps this all happens in one night at the bar, and after 3 hours of non-stop fantastic conversation, you comment:

“hey, you know what? It’s the weekend, this is amazing and I have nothing else to do tonight. why don’t we get together and watch that movie we talked about earlier? I haven’t seen him in years, and my house is only a few blocks away!”

Things are already great. staying together longer feels good. they both like the movie. Let’s go for it!

“Let’s buy ice cream and wine on the way”, you tell him. Or is she the one suggesting it?

no pressure.

do you know why he says yes? because throughout your interaction with her, you’ve been authentic, honest, and fun. you have talked about personal issues, you have shown that you are vulnerable and most importantly:

at no time have you made her feel less appreciated for her whole being, just as she is, here and now.

At no time did she feel that you had any hidden agenda with her. yes, you find her sexy. she knows because you told her.

and joins you for a movie at your house because he knows he has complete freedom to come and go as he pleases. she stays with you because she feels safe with you. With you, she knows that her feelings and her trust are protected. she knows she can be herself because you dared to be yourself with her first.

she knows that for you, the reward is the experience of you and her being together, a pleasure in itself.

she joins you because whatever they end up doing or not doing…

it’s great.

Is This About a Movie?

yes. yes, it’s about the movie: it’s about that movie they talked about and found they really liked. or about that movie that you think he would really like and that you highly recommend. And then you realized, hey, it’s only 9 p.m. m. and why not watch it together now?

and no. No, it’s not about the movie. that is something that establishes a bond between you. it is a common pleasure that you two have decided to share. like other common pleasures that may or may not be derived from it.

so how do you ask her to a movie?

When they’re on a roll, the best and only way to do it is: in plain language.

what do you think?