MASH (1970) – Elliott Gould as Trapper John McIntyre – IMDb

trapper john: well, what’s up today?

hawkeye pierce: I don’t know, I think it’s one of those ladies things.

trapper john: It’s not like her to act like this. She’s a bitch, she look at my new flannel coat she’s going to have a nervous breakdown.

hawkeye pierce: he can’t even walk out the door, look.

[hawkeye sits with frank]

hawk eye piercing: good morning, frank. heard of his wife? A lot of guys asked me to ask you, frank, what hot lips were like in the sack. you know, she…

frank burns: mind your own business.

hawkeye pierce: no frank, you know, is she better than self-abuse? Does that… that big ass of yours move a lot, frank, or does it go limp? what would you say about that?

duke forrest: what’s going on there? is he getting tips or something?

trapper john: oh no, hawkeye is trying to get me to go on a tour.

duke forrest: ohhhh, is that true?

hawkeye pierce: would you say she was a bitch, frank? frank seriously. I mean, does she go “ooooh” or does she just stand still and do nothing at all?

frank burns: keep your dirty mouth to yourself.

hawkeye pierce: or does it say “uh-uh-uh”?

[frank jumps on the table and attacks hawkeye]

hawkeye pierce: get him off me! I have glasses get it off me!

duke forrest: what’s up, frank? that lesson one?

hawkeye pierce: frank burns has gone crazy! I’m wearing glasses, for God’s sake!

trapper john: watch your goodies, hawkeye! that man is a sex maniac; I don’t think hot lips satisfied him. don’t let me kiss you, hawk eye!